Loneliness and depression.

Hi all. I wrote this a little while ago when I was feeling very down on life. Not like me at all. I’m slowly coming through the other side at last and starting to enjoy the feeling of sunshine on my face again, and the hopefulness of the new day. I was in two minds whether to post this or delete it, but I feel that there is perhaps some merit in posting after all. It begins below…..and I apologize in advance for my fragile state.

This is not my usual post. I don’t even know for sure that I will post it…although if you are reading it…I guess I did. I have felt alone in a crowded room, and yet other times I am totally happy in my own company. There is, however, a vast difference between loneliness and solitude. In this modern world we are all so “connected” digitally at least, and have lots of “friends” – and yet in the real world we’ve never been more disconnected….from one another, from the natural world and from ourselves.

I’m not usually a “down” sort of person. My usual response to “How are you?” or “How’s your day going?”, is “Great, every day is a good day”….with emphasis on “every”. But recently I’ve not been my usual self.

Some days it’s been a struggle to get out of bed to face the day. Some days I just don’t see the point…..of anything. I find tears on my face for no reason. Sometimes I sob uncontrollably. I don’t know why I feel like this and can’t bring myself to talk to anyone about it. This is not me. Maybe by writing it down I can get a hold on the reason why.

And yet deep down I still feel hope, that things will turn around so I can escape this depressive fog and get back to being my old self again.

I thought I’d look up some quotes on loneliness – thinking maybe they will help. Having read some of them I wonder how helpful, or hopeful, they will turn out to be. For example –

“We are born alone and die alone. Loneliness is definitely part of the journey of life” – Jenova Chen

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty” – Mother Teresa

“The sky is one whole, the water another, and between those two infinities the soul of man is in loneliness” – Henryk Sienkiewicz

“Times may have changed but there are somethings that are always with us, loneliness is one of them” – Laurie Graham

“No one ever discovers the depths of his own loneliness” – Georges Bernanos

Pretty depressing stuff isn’t it. All these people must have experienced, or witnessed, a powerful loneliness in order to come up with those quotes. I’ll give you two more to ponder. The first of which I feel is very powerful, or even overpowering, oppressive….I feel it’s weight on my chest –

“I realize that I live on the bubble of insanity. I feel the weight of human suffering, loneliness and despair on me all the time. It’s not getting easier, if anything, it’s always right on the edge of my skin” – Erwin McManus

And finally, slightly tongue in cheek, one from Woody Allen – “Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon”.

And speaking of comedians… I’ve been watching the Ricky Gervais series “After Life” – It’s definitely worth a look. It’s about a guy in the depths of depression after the death of his wife……who slowly comes to realize after all that maybe, just maybe, life IS worth living. There’s a song that features in it by a group called The Thorns. It’s not a new song. It was written in 2003. I’d like to share the lyrics with you, as it resonates with me,….hope I don’t get stung by any copyright laws in doing so…..then again, I don’t care if I do.

Among the living you’ll find the dying
Waiting softly to pass on
Why can’t a love be like a spirit
As it floats up to the sky
With the giving there is taking

Neither one feels like it’s right
And since your heart can’t tell the difference
You give up without a fight
Because you know it makes you cry
‘Cause you can see what’s passed you by
Because you feel you can’t decide
Among the living
Instead of headstrong into darkness
We should be drifting into light
It’s been a long time we’ve been searching
And we still can’t get it right
Because you know it makes you cry
‘Cause you can see what’s passed you by
Because you feel you can’t decide
Among the living.

If you’ve read this far, I thank you for putting up with my ‘wallowing in self pity’. I hope to be back with more positive posts soon.

That was where my post ended….but I will add links to both the song by the Thorns on youtube (even though I am feeling much more positive, I can’t help but shed a tear when I hear this song – but don’t let that put you off, it is a very nice song) – and a link to the trailer for the “After Life” series. I hope you’ll enjoy both. A word of warning though…..the “After Life” trailer contains bad language.

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